dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
