You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
