I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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