My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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