I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
