Will you blow on my dice?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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