I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My ass is underappreciated
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
