just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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