none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
