No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
