physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize