i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
