so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
