I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
