I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
