"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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