there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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