then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
