we made out on top of his cat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
