i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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