I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
