i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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