I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
