so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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