Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
