you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
