Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
