The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
