I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
