I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
