My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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