There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
