I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
