I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
