Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
