I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
