Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's never too late to be topless.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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