how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
