What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
