my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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