It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Randomize
