Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
