Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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