How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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