Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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