somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
