every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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