last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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