He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
