I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
