i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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