He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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