He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You're so nebulous sometimes
My Higher Power is John Stamos
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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