Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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