He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
