I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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