No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize