If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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