my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
