dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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