I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
