And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
