I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
