Umm I'm too high to move.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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