Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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