Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
