i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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