I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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