i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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