Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
